When I was talking to a friend recently who also had a stillborn child, she commented to me that sometimes the only way to heal from the emotional, mental, and spiritual scars is to pour salt into those open wounds.
As I know from experience, pouring salt on an open wound is a very literal way to help clean and heal an open, physical wound. It can be extremely painful and almost unbearable when the salt penetrates the wound as it burns and stings on contact. Salt has many healing properties and kills most germs on contact. Therefore, it would kill any bacteria in and around the wound.
As I began to think about my friends comment, I began to realize how much truth there was in her statement. It is so tempting to want to run away, or hide from all the hard things that I have to face each day...instead of meeting those hurdles head on and pouring the "stinging salt" into my open wounds. I decided at that moment that I would try, a little at a time, to face some of the hard things and see if the "salt" would have the same effect on my emotional, spiritual, and mental wounds that it has on physical wounds. I prayed to my Heavenly Father that as I put forth the effort, that the Holy Ghost might be able to assist in cleaning the wounds I would open and face.
It has been extremely hard at times to face these things...baby blessings, holding a newborn infant, hearing pregnant women wish their pregnancy was over, face people in public who aren't tender about our situation, the list could go on and on. However, as I have faced a few of my fears, and poured a small amounts of salt on my wounds, I have felt some healing begin to take place.
The other day I went over to a dear friends house. She had recently given birth to a little boy. I had delayed my visit for several weeks because I was afraid of what my emotional reaction might be. However, with my new determination, I decided I would try a little bit of that salt. That night as I snuggled her little boy to my chest, listened to his tiny breaths of air, and felt the warmth of his body in my arms...my heart did sting, the empty hole in my soul did ache, and that night when I left I did cry myself to sleep. The next day however, I found myself wanting to hold her little guy again...at that moment, I paused and realized that although the salt had been painful, it had performed a small amount of healing.
I have a lot of healing that still needs to take place. I know that it can't come all at once or overnight. It is my hope that I can continue to find the courage to jump the hurdles that I face instead of passing them by saying, that I'll come back to them later. I know that through the healing power of the Holy Ghost and with some work on my part... peace and joy will at some time mend the open wounds of my heart. The love I have for Branson will forever be in my heart, his life permanently impressed upon my soul.