Today I am grateful for what I know. There are certainly many things I don't know and don't understand. However, the things I do know are the things that get me through each moment, each day.
Last night we read a talk in the Ensign from the most recent General Conference. It is entitled, "You Know Enough". As Rob and I read this talk together, the spirit testified of the truth that Elder Andersen shared. I felt that what he said was just for me...isn't it amazing how conference talks have that affect? One part of his talk has been on my mind all day:
"...we each have moments of spiritual power, moments of inspiration and revelation. We must sink them deep into the chambers of our souls. As we do, we prepare our spiritual home storage for moments of personal difficulty."
After reading this I remembered something my dad said to me shortly after having Branson. What he said to me made sense that night, but last night after reading this article it seemed to come full circle for me.
My dad and I were talking about timing. I was very frusterated and angry about not understanding the Lord's timing of things. After all, we had "patiently" waited for six years to have Branson, only to have him taken from our arms. Where was the justice in that? I wondered, "If this experience was meant to be ours, then why not a year after trying to get pregnant? Why six?" In a fit of rage and confusion I wanted answers, I wanted an explanation...I wanted what I couldn't have.
In the wisdom that my father has, he listened to me without judgment. He didn't try to stop me, or tell me I shouldn't think that way...he just listened. When I was finished, he told me that my questions were real and justified, he told me he understood...and then he asked if he could share his point of view on a few things.
He asked me to think over the last six years...all the good times, the bad times, the moments of spirital growth, church callings, and opportunities to share my testimony. At that moment, my mind was flooded with countless opportunities I've had to tesitfy of the very things that were the glue holding me together at that moment. I can't count or even remeber how often I was able to bear testimony to my young women of eternal families, and the reality of the knowledge that I am a daughter of God with a divine nature and destiny. As a Sunday school teacher, I was able to teach about the atonement and resurection that will someday enable me to be reunited with my son. I have had powerful moments of spiritual confirmation that the Lord is aware of my life, and that he loves me. That night I was blessed to "see" that those six years were a time of prepartion...a time that I was able to compile a "spiritual home storage" for my moments of personal difficulty.
My dad proposed that perhaps if it had been one year instead of six, I wouldn't be spiritually prepared to face the winds of adversity that are now raging against the very foundation on which I stand.
So, tonight I am grateful for what I know. Grateful that what I know if getting me through. Grateful for those moments of spiritual power, inspiration and revelation that built up my spirital home storage. Grateful that the Lord, in his mercy, gave me the gift of six years. Grateful that he presented opportunities for me to learn and come to know enough. I pray I've done enough, learned enough, and "stored" enough to see me through the dificult days ahead.
I don't know where I'd be, or how I'd get through this whithout the things I know. I look forward to learning the things I don't know
"...At times, the Lord's answer will be, "You don't know everything, but you know enough"- enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right."
I am positvie I don't know everything. However, I am confident I know enough to get me through tonight.