Monday, May 11, 2009

A Beautiful Promise

I have been missing my little boy a lot lately. I was lying in bed a few days ago, just wishing that I could have just even 15 min. with him. 15 min to talk...to hug. 15 min for him to give me added insight and a broader eternal perspective. 15 min for me to express my love to my little boy. 15 min for him to comfort his mommy. As I shed tears of loneliness, I felt impressed to read my
patriarchal blessing.
(Follow this link to learn more about this)

Since receiving my beautiful blessing at the age of 14, it has provided comfort, instruction, and direction in my life. However, since Branson's passing, it has been a gift I have grown to treasure and appreciate more than almost anything. It has become something that my heart and mind cling to, as I know that it comes from my Heavenly Father, filled with words of love and encouragement. It speaks to my soul.

It is filled with beautiful blessings that are promised to be mine as I seek to align my life's path with the will of the Lord and the commandments of God. At different times in my life, different parts of my blessing have been especially meaningful and helpful. Each time I read it, I find something new...it's been there all along, but it's meaning and significance has changed. As I read through it the other night, there was one line...one phrase that brought me the added peace and assurance I was seeking.

It stands as a paragraph of it's own:
"I bless you, Natalie, that your Guardian Angel will always be close to you."

Amazing.
I was overcome with the feeling that Branson is that Guardian Angel...that I get much more than those 15 min I was wishing for...I get a beautiful, angel son to watch over me and my family. An angel that has been promised to always be close.

Since that day, when I start to wonder "what if", I remember that beautiful blessing and I'm reminded of the love my Heavenly Father has for me. I love so perfect, that he saw fit to add a simple, one line promise some 13 years ago that would change my life today.

This promise got me through my first Mother's Day without my little boy, as I knew he would be close.


7 comments:

April said...

amazing!!!!
I am sorry Mothers Day is such a hard day for us mothers who've lost babies. He is with you always and how amazing to have a little one inside you right now. You really are a mother.

Michelle said...

Oh, how beautiful! Thank you for sharing that special blessing with us. You know, I'm shocked and ashamed to realize this, but I don't think I have even read my blessing since losing Benjamin.
I will definitely be doing that soon! It has truly given me comfort in the past--I know it will now, too.

Brittanie said...

I know that my patriarchal blessing, and my husband's as well, have brought me a lot of comfort. The day we confirmed she had no heartbeat, that evening before I was induced, Matt and I were laying in bed and had decided to read our blessings. I'd read his a couple times before, but the line "Your greatest treasure is in Heaven," stood out so much.

Anyway, I'm glad that you felt him close yesterday. Mother's Day still stings a bit for me, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore (maybe because I was able to have a little girl smother me with slobbery kisses yesterday).

Anyway, (hugs) to you!

Tevita and Jodi said...

Hi Natalie. I think I have told you this before but I found your blog through my sister-in-laws. I have read your blog several times just because your words bring me some peace. Like you, I am now pregnant (after delivering twin baby boys last year) and I am wondering how you are dealing with it. I find myself constantly worrying. If you don't mind, could you please email me at jodlcv@msn.com I try to talk to my friends but none of them have had to go through loosing a baby. They just tell me that everything is ok but I would really like to talk to somebody who has gone through what I went through. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks so much, Jodi

him, her, or the other one said...

hey nat...i just wanted to let you know that i was thinking about you. we have been actually thinking about you so much lately as you go through this point of the excitement of a new baby but the longing for branson. i have no doubt that he is close to you and will always be in your heart. we love you so much.

Young Family said...

That is so special.

Kim Call said...

What joy "tender mercies" bring! I have thought alot about the seemingly small miracles we experience every day in our lives
~ and the loving Father who grants them ~ how bleak this life would be if it weren't for the outpouring of Heaven on our behalf in our times of need! Your thoughts always remind me of those tender mercies and the miracles in our lives....You are a Miracle! Love you!