In Everything I Do

My dear Branson, as I go throughout the days, I can't help but be amazed that everything I do, everything I see, everyone I talk to...in everything...I think of you, feel you, and see you. From small, seemingly insignificant things to the big, monumental things of everyday life...every where I turn, there you are!

I can't help but see you in our home. The cradle in our bedroom, the swing in the family room, our new, beautiful family pictures, your bath robe hanging behind the bathroom door. 

I can't help but feel of your pure, sweet spirit as I walk past your nursery and stop to take a peek. Or as I enter there to read or just sit in the rocker to sooth my aching heart.

I see you in the beautiful flowers daddy planted for you this spring. The flowers that were meant to make our home perfect for you to come home to.

In the stretch marks that beautifully mark your life upon me forever.

I think of you every time I see an infant. Every time I hear a baby giggle, cry, or coo...a giggle, cry, and coo I never heard from you.

I wonder what your up to every time I find myself bored. I think to myself, "I bet Branson's not bored...what would he have me do?"

I see you in your daddy's eyes, and your grandpa's hair. 

I can't help but yearn for you as my heart pulls when I see other new moms cuddling their little ones. 

I miss you at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I can't help but compare every other baby to you, and think that they're just not quite as perfect handsome, or cute as you. 

I feel you in the missing piece of my soul and the expansion of my heart. 

I can't help but miss you as I feel Christmas creeping closer. As I see a stocking hung, and presents wrapped. As I hear Santa's "ho, ho, ho" and as daddy reads our favorite Christmas stories to only me. As I anticipate my first Christmas without you, and every other "first" this year. 

I see you in our Christmas village, and your special nativity from Dustin and Kim.

I feel you as daddy and I cuddle each morning and wonder what our next hug with you will be like. 

I see your light in the lives you've touched, and feel you in the hearts you've softened. 

I can't help but see you as I look at your cute little cousins and see you in them.

I miss you every time I wake up and realize I had another full nights sleep...another night without a crying baby.

I feel you as I let my tears fall and my heart swell with loneliness and pain.

I miss you tremendously every time I walk into the garage and see your stroller standing there covered with a plastic bag, a bag to protect it from gathering dust.

I see you in the missionaries that serve in our ward, and I wonder who you've taught today.

I am grateful for you as I learn new things, and gain a new perspective on life. 

I think of you with every breath I take because I never got to see your lungs filled with air.

I think of you, see you, miss you, long for you...in everything I do!

You have changed my heart, my eyes, and my life forever. I will truly never be the same. I love you!