I finally decided to sit down and work on my blog...something I haven't had much motivation to do lately. Usually writing helps me process the emotion I'm feeling and it's healing for me to get it down in words. However, as I sat down to write, I found myself not wanting to face the loneliness, the emptiness. I didn't want to acknowledge the aching inside. I didn't want to muster up the courage to let it all out, because at times it feels better to keep it all in.
So, instead of going straight to my blog, I danced around other blogs. Reading about friends, family, and other angel babies. I then opened my friend Michelle's blog who also had this song playing. Instantly I started to sob.
This is a song I heard shortly after Branson's birth. It's a song that's part of his memorial video. It's a song that's special. It's a song that's painful. As I sat here today listening to this song, I was overcome with grief...with loss. I wanted my baby back in my arms so bad...wanted to see his beautiful face and touch his little toes.
Today this song captures my emotions...the pain, the hope, the longing, the remembering, the loneliness...the love.
"In my soul there is a hole that can never be filled.
In my heart you live on, always there...never gone.
Precious child, you left too soon.
Though it may be true that we're apart, you will live forever in my heart."